Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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