Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
