So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
