You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
