I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
