dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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