Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
