woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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