I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
