Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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