I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
