Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
