so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
