i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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