man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
