I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize