Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
