fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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