My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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