Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
