somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
