He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
