So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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