oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
