You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
