mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
