he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
