Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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