He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
