I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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