The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
