He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You may now shotgun with the bride
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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