Just fell off a train. Bad.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
