Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
