I cockslap morals
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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