I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
your like the ambassador to my penis.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
