I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drake has all the answers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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