Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
