Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
