Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
