just tell him i said nine months
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
True strength comes from lack of pants
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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