Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
