Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm going to jail i love you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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