Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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