yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
