Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
