I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
