Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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