In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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