so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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