where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
