you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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